Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
