I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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