Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
