I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
