he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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