Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
