Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
