Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
