this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
