hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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