so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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