Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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