Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
