Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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