your room smells of hookers.
And success
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
