we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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