I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
