I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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