News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
