Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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