girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
