What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
