he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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