what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
