i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
