Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
is that a dick in a sweater?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize