Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
