3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
