I accidentally had phone sex last night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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