the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
