The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
