First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize