omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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