So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
