bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
