I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
