so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So apparently I’m into choking now
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