Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
