You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
