Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
