A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
