can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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