i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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