Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
