Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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