His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
