Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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