I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
