Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
