This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
