i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
