My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
