I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
