He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
