no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
