i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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