You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
