I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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