All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
