dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
