obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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