did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
