Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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