Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
