she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize