So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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