I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
