A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
