More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
