did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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