Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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