I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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