Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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