I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
