she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
