so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
