Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
