One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
