Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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