I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
