we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
