I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You made out with two different species that night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
