Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
