i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
