Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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