One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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