im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
