Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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