I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
