like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
