the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
