I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
