My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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