either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
